It had waited for me to be born, and then it had waited for me to be suddenly crippled in both legs during my wildly ambitious youth. In those four hundred years, it had been denuded of the colored glazes on the eaves of its old temple, the glorious vermilion of its gates and walls had faded, the high walls had collapsed, pieces of jade inlaid into the pillars had loosened and scattered, yet old dark green cypress trees surrounding the altar had become more and more serene, and everywhere, weeds and vines flourished with abandon. It was about the right time for me to come here. When the park was finally ready for me—a man at loose ends—I maneuvered my wheelchair into the park for the first time. The sun—on its ancient, unchanged path—was just growing bigger, and redder. In the still rays of light suffusing the park, it was easy for a person to see the time, and easy to see his own shadow。

　　自从那个下午我无意中进了这园子，就再没长久地离开过它。我一下子就理解了它的意图。正如我在一篇小说中所说的：“在人口密聚的城市里，有这样一个宁静的去处，像是上帝的苦心安排。

　　”Beginning with that afternoon when I happened to go to this park, I’ve never been away from it for long. I understood at once why it was there. As I said in one story, “In a densely populated city, it’s as if God painstakingly arranged for a place as serene as this。”

　　两条腿残废后的最初几年，我找不到工作，找不到去路，忽然间几乎什么都找不到了，我就摇了轮椅总是到它那儿去，仅为着那儿是可以逃避一个世界的另一个世界。我在那篇小说中写道：“没处可去我便一天到晚耗在这园子里。跟上班下班一样，别人去上班我就摇了轮椅到这儿来。园子无人看管，上下班时间有些抄近路的人们从园中穿过，园子里活跃一阵，过后便沉寂下来。”“园墙在金晃晃的空气中斜切下一溜荫凉，我把轮椅开进去，把椅背放倒，坐着或是躺着，看书或者想事，撅一杈树枝左右拍打，驱赶那些和我一样不明白为什么要来这世上的小昆虫。”“蜂儿如一朵小雾稳稳地停在半空；蚂蚁摇头晃脑捋着触须，猛然间想透了什么，转身疾行而去；瓢虫爬得不耐烦了，累了祈祷一回便支开翅膀，忽悠一下升空了；树干上留着一只蝉蜕，寂寞如一间空屋；露水在草叶上滚动，聚集，压弯了草叶轰然坠地摔开万道金光。”“满园子都是草木竞相生长弄出的响动，窸窸窣窣片刻不息。”这都是真实的记录，园子荒芜但并不衰败。

　　The first few years after I was crippled, I couldn’t find work: I had no future; all of a sudden, it was almost as though I couldn’t find anything. And so I wheeled myself to the park almost every day: it was another world, one where I could escape this world. I wrote in one story, “With no place to go, I used to spend the whole day in the park every day: other people went to work; I went to the park. It was an abandoned park. When it was time to go to work or time to go home, people took shortcuts through the park, and it became animated for a while. Afterwards, it was still。” “In the dazzling golden sunlight, the park’s wall provided shade: I wheeled myself over there, put the back of the wheelchair down, and—either sitting or lying down—I read or thought. I would break off a cypress twig and drive away the insects who didn’t know any better than I did why they had been born in this world。” “A bee like a tiny piece of mist hung on in midair; an ant was deep in thought, its head wagging and its antennae quivering, and then, all of a sudden, it must have come up with the right answer, for it turned back and scudded off; the ladybug climbed around wearily, stopped to pray for a while, and then, flapping its wings, suddenly soared to the sky; on the tree trunk there was one cicada, as lonely as an empty room; dew rolled around on the leaves of weeds, and then coalesced, weighing the leaves down until they broke into thousands of rays of golden light。” “The whole park was astir with the sound of weeds, bushes, and trees growing, all shattering ceaselessly。” This was all true: the park was a wasteland, but far from going downhill。

　　除去几座殿堂我无法进去，除去那座祭坛我不能上去而只能从各个角度张望它，地坛的每一棵树下我都去过，差不多它的每一米草地上都有过我的车轮印。无论是什么季节，什么天气，什么时间，我都在这园子里呆过。有时候呆一会儿就回家，有时候就呆到满地上都亮起月光。记不清都是在它的哪些角落里了，我一连几小时专心致志地想关于死的事，也以同样的耐心和方式想过我为什么要出生。这样想了好几年，最后事情终于弄明白了：一个人，出生了，这就不再是一个可以辩论的问题，而只是上帝交给他的一个事实；上帝在交给我们这件事实的时候，已经顺便保证了它的结果，所以死是一件不必急于求成的事，死是一个必然会降临的节日。这样想过之后我安心多了，眼前的一切不再那么可怕。比如你起早熬夜准备考试的时候，忽然想起有一个长长的假期在前面等待你，你会不会觉得轻松一点？并且庆幸并且感激这样的安排？

　　Aside from some buildings that I had no way to enter, aside from the altar that I had no way to reach but could only gaze at from every possible vantage point, I had been under every tree in the park, and my chair’s wheel-prints were left on almost every meter of grass. I had spent time in this park in all seasons, all kinds of weather, and all times of the day. Sometimes, I stayed only a short time and then went home; sometimes, I stayed until the entire ground was alight with moonbeams. I don’t remember which corners of the park I was in then. For several hours in a row, I was totally absorbed in thinking about death, and just as patiently, I pondered why I had to be born. This kind of thinking went on for quite a few year

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